What To Do?

When Blindsided by a bitch? I raised a learning disabled son, one with not only a sensory disorder...but one with facial paralysis, significant hearing loss and aggressive behavior disorders. It was TOUGH to say the very least...and YES there were times when I expected more from my son than he was able to give...and there were times when I cried my eyes out when people would constantly remind me of the shortcomings he had. Kevin had to be taken to 5 different therapy sessions a day, sessions where just the mere touch of a paint brush to the skin of his arm would make him scream in abject terror...or the fact that the therapist made him sit in a kiddy pool filled with uncooked beans gave the poor kid nightmares for a week afterward . I couldn't even HUG Kevin to make it all better because the touch of another human being would send the poor kid right off the deep end..but he did his best....just like I did my best. I learned ALOT about not only my son...but myself...about when to stress about things and when to take a step back and get back to the basics with him...I learned this mostly through error...but I learned. Today I tried to help my stepdaughter, who's going through the same thing with HER son. I could see in her words how badly she is being affected. She's tired....She's stressed...she mistakenly thinks there's something wrong in the way SHE'S being a mom...actually she's a WONDERFUL mom...one of the best, most patient I've heard of. But BECAUSE I mistakenly thought she WANTED help (She was merely venting evidently...but I mistook her blog for something else) I was publicly called a condisending ass. Now...I realize that I have never even MET my stepdaughter face to face (the reasons for that I won't go into) but that dosen't stop my from loviing her and her family unconditionaly. She dosen't get this...*shrugs* maybe she never will who knows. That dosen't stop me from loving this girl and hurting for her everytime she berates herself (either conciously or unconciously) because I know EXACTLY what she's going through...EXACTLY. Now some BITCH that I have never heard of wants to publicly slap ME in the face for merely misreading the situation and trying to help? *Chuckles* I don't think so...back up...

(BTW..if my stepdaughter is reading this...I humbly apologize if I IN ANY WAY offended you HUN...it was not my intent, nor was it my intent to seem condescending. You're a wonderful mother Honey...truly. Do not worry that your father might see this...he dosen't read this blog because I have others that I am far more active with. He has decided that blogging is not his thing anyway, and, you know him...since he's decided it's not for him I could place a 100 ft. tall blog screen in our front yard and he wouldn't notice...so it's cool

Honey....This MUST Be Luv

Gene and I spent the entire night (even though HE had been up since 5:30 a.m. and had worked all day, then had driven over 150 miles to get home) talking...snoozing (for pitifuly short amounts of time...I hang my head in shame) then about 7 a.m. I went out and got said loving husband breakfast and gased up his sports car (because I swear it was threatening me in foul language as the fuel light blinked at me over and over) then came home...waking the poor man up AGAIN to make him eat the breakfast I went out and hunted for...then we mercifuly fell asleep (In my case tioll 1:30...his case 2:30) He came into the workroom...mumbled something about renting out my cat....(meaning the feline type.....ewwww...get real here) and then gave me COD LIVER OIL for my health....AND I TOOK IT! As I said folks...This MUST be love!

How It Feels To Be Divinely favored

I'm sorry it's been so very long since I've sat down and put thought to screen...but my summer's been nothing if not fun and busy! Gene and I got married on June 23rd. His sister (yes...a Minister) did the nuptuals...it was a very spiritual ceremony...those very few that attended claimed they could really feel the presence of the Lord there. We then went away from a 10 day Honeymoon...Went to Pigeon Forge Tenessee. OMG! We had SO much fun! Stayed in a goegeous one bedroom cabin that had two hot tubs...a nicely sized deck...everything one could ever want in a home. It was so close to Heaven on Earth...My new Husband and I have decided to move there. We are looking to buy a business there even as we speak.

I'm so thankful for the gift of my new husband...well...even though the bond of husband and wife is new...the love and the relationship is not...we've been together over 5 years...and it just seems like we get closer everyday......and sometimes I shudder to think back on some of the past relationships that I THOUGHT was love...It makes me Thank God for the prayers he DIDN'T answer, but, more importantly for the one that he DID. It lets me know that not only am I blessed...I have been divinely favored...

*Sighs* Such A Wonderful Day!

*Sighs once again as she sits down* Well, what can I say? Mother's Day 2006 came and went. I really hadn't expected it to be anything but just another day, after all, my children are all grown and have lives of their own. With my wedding coming up in June, I didn't expect to have anyone go to any expense or have anyone even acknowlege Mother's day with more than the cousery (is that even SPELLED right?) phone call. Let me tell you about my day and what you younger mom's can expect in the future...

I awoke around 3:30 pm...I hadn't been sleeping well all week and I think it just kind of caught up with me. My mate, God bless him, had simply allowed me to sleep...as he is apt to do....I awoke to the ringing of the phone, and my son, Yan's, voice. "Happy Mother's day Ma!" (he has a rather thick chinese accent...so you can imagine how adorable this sounded) He had JUST finished telling me on the phone that he wouldn't be able to come home until tomorrow, which of course, I understood. Not EVERYONE can get off for this occasion of occasions. After hanging up, I heard a faint tapping on my bedroom door, thinking it was my OLDEST son, I tell my mate to answer it...seeing as I sleep unclothed and I didn't want to blind the poor boy...Gene left the room...and came back in, smiling. "There's a suprise out there for you" I sigh...wondering what I was going to be expected to go through (thinking all the while "Oh PLEASE don't let it be company!") I dress quickly and walk out...and there's my youngest son sitting on the couch, smiling at me...as the older son is cleaning my house! "Now I thought you couldn't come home until tomorrow..." I say, narrowing my eyes for effect as I give my Baby the mother of all bear hugs. This is when I am told that I am being taken out to dinner....and what a feast it was! It was hand prepared by my youngest...We were taken to the local chinese restraunt (which btw is owned by my son's Uncle) and there I was presented with course after course of the best in Asian delicasies (once again...is that spelled right?) Steamed clams in currant sauce, fresh steamed baby squid in a soy/brown sauce, dumplings, Special Fried rice...overflowig with shrimp, just the way I love it, sauteed mushrooms, veggies...and mountains of home made Crab Rangoon! If you know me at all...you know that by this time I am in Heaven, because my favorite in all the world is chinese food. To have all of this prepared by my very own son was breath taking to say the least (all of this AFTER I had passed down the royal command that he was NOT to work today....the little brat!). I must admit...to hear my children as they sit around me...thanking me for being such a wonderful mother makes all of the nights spent up walking the floor, holding a colicky infant...of having one of them puke on my best outfit...of feeling the SNAP of your heirloom necklace as you baby grins in delight, screaming "MINE!" all worth it....I only wish now that they were babies again....*I think a moment...cocking my eyebrow comicaly * Ladies! WHAT AM I SAYING???

An Old Lady's Mother's Day

I look at some of the other "Mommy Blogs" here...and I realize that, yet again, I am ahead of my time and do not fit in...my eyes find a feast of "younger than me" Mom's blogging to one another tips and tricks telling how to stay sane in the world of new Mommyhood and I wonder where the HELL they were at when I needed them! *sighs* they were in grade school more than likely...taking THEIR turn in the cycle of life and driving THIER mother's totaly insane ....mother's without the advantage of blogging...or being able to keep in touch with other crazed mom's worldwide...Mothers like J (and her blog...The state Of Discontent...a favorite of mine for reasons I won't go into here...but way to go J!) and Mom-101 (a mom that is MY brand of crazy...which makes me REALLY like her style!) that are just now dealing with their young...and learning that they will learn from their children for everyday for the rest of their lives...that everyday is going to be a new experience for them...be it a bad one or a grand one...a new wrinkle will be bestowed in Mommy's brain from this day forward...so beware young ladies...by the time THIS trip is taken (and I speak of the trip of Motherhood) your brain will be "wrinkled out"...as will your face and other very much needed body parts. Parts that seem "so-so" or "eh.....ok" right now will one day stand as a living monument of the ravages of gravity and the sacrifice you've just made to bring forth that oh so cute screaming, demanding, foot stomping, food spitting, toy throwing bundle of joy that you coo and worry so over right now. You will find yourself muttering "Elmo" and "Barney" in your sleep...making your better half wonder just who the HELL you spend your days with while he's away. You will find yourself using terms like "I'll be right back...I have to go POTTY" at the very few adult functions you will be attending over the years...or unconciously rocking back and forth at said function simply because you have lived through endless hours doing this to your colicky infant just for one blessed half hour of sleep before starting all of it over again because the little tyrant disguised as a baby has gas or is in a mood....and now even when not around the tiny bundle of joy...you are still unconciously in "comfort mode" (oh yeah....and when you do the unconcious rocking thing? Those around you will think to themselves that you must be some unfortunate female version of the Rainman!) But I digress....When MY generation of young women became mothers...it was up to us to stand and fight for our young ones....a generation of children that, for some reason, would be born with an incredible 33% Learning Disability rate...I can well remember crying my eyes out in the office of the "Special Education" administrator in our local school district office...because he had just told me that I should give it up and bus my 4 year old over 50 miles each day to the Special School district ...where all of the OTHER retards went...because he wasn't going to be allowed to go to THIS MAN'S school....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand what did THIS Mommy do? She got PISSED, THAT'S what she did. Suing both the district AND the state for services...standing with OTHER Mom's that had been told the same thing by this man and suing so that all of our children would have a clean, safe place to learn near home...forcing the district to meet our children's needs within the boundries of our own district...suing to make sure that this Asswipe of a neanderthal and all those like him were FIRED and making sure the district came up with qualified personel that would initiate I.E.P's (Individual Education Programs) for each and every "special needs" child. Letting each child learn it the least restrictive environment...and thus allowing the child to grow up learning with all of the other "more normal " children, thus, paving the way for the mothers and children of THIS generation to live in a more loving, friendly world......well....to an extent anyway. I now pass this gift on...the gift of a better, well rounded education for ALL of our children on to you....I can't wait to see what you do with it
Ladies...prepare yourselves...for this journey of motherhood will test you....make you better...stronger....it will bestow upon you a strength that the likes Of the Terminator and Clint Eastwood will not dare stand against.....you will learn that , in this life, there is only one BIG universal truth...."If MAMA ain't happy...ain't NOBODY happy"....OH! and BTW...want a glimpse into your future? have your family go rent...or better still BUY for you the movies "Diary Of A Mad Black Woman" and "Madea's Family Reunion" I know when I was given them...I was surrounded by the gurgling laughter of all of my sons....the neice that I had raised as my own....and even my better half (I'll deal with YOU later Honey...) and heard the echos of "OMG! that's YOU!" And you know what? Being compared to the fictional character MADEA? Ain't half bad...Happy Mother's Day Ladies....Enjoy it while it's here...

The Joy of Dealing With corporate America

In the effort to continually be a good, intelligent mate, and keep a wary eye on incoming expenses...The female of the pack has to continually be on the lookout for the weakest link...The one bill that sticks out as the biggest liability to the pack....Cut it from the rest, hunt it down...And annihilate said beast and replace it with one more in tune with the packs harmonic structure....Hence the death of SBC....a foul beast...Unwilling to cooperate with the rest of the bills....Wanting to penalize us for finding a better deal by doubling the price of our DSL service.....BAD CHOICE....For to mess with the female of the pack is to piss the male of the pack off....In a BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG way....And cause him to send down the order that "the service must go....Find a better deal" and thus the female begins the quest to find that one GREAT deal....And the hunt begins...Looking diligently through webpage after webpage until the alpha pair find and choose the one product and/or service that stands head and shoulders above the rest, therefore rendering the beast known as SBC DSL completely useless. The female snickers wickedly, her instinct for "going straight for the juggler" thus satisfied, causing the male to pat her on the shoulder and tell her what a wonderful, attentive mate she truly is.....And the entire pack can now rest easy, knowing the the female in on the prowl, still looking for other great deals for her family...

A Woman That Truly Understands Romance

A woman who understands me, who loves me, just the way I am. This is what I've been searching for, when I first met Carrie , I was at a stage in my life when I was so tired of all the passed stuff (relationship wise) that I've pretty much given up,I have made some mistakes in my past , and always tried to do the best I could, but it seems that when things got down to the important things of life ,their was always something that didn't quite fit, to find a woman who knew me and truly liked me "just like I am" , none of this stuff about "this could work if you would just"or the "you should know , I shouldn't have to tell you","or you just don't get it"
or some such thing , then the next step was to find out "if" this person who actually "liked you ,could possibly "love" you ,just as you are , (and of course you truly "love" them, just the way they are) in order for this to work, it has to go both ways and has to be genuine.
for me that meant the woman had to be attractive,exceptionally kind ,caring, loving, open-minded ,intelligent , strong ,witty,not married, "or taken" knew who she was (not searching for her identity ,sexual or otherwise), willing to love me just the way I am and put up with a whole lot of stuff , (I'm not rich, I always work, I'm an eccentric, I have electronics as a hobby (maybe a disease),I've never considered my self a "prize" but I work hard. This woman would have to be one tough cookie to put up with my odd personality my strange past , which could pop up at any time, (I'm a good cook, but I would want her to be able to do that too).And then there are those moral and religious convitions of mine, but through out this all , there is a few things that are even more important ... ... ... The woman would have to truly understand romance , I know this sounds strange to some people out there, but it can be ,(and I believe is) an Important part of a relationship, so she would have to understand (without me having to explain "why") that if, I for instance give her something like a $2.00 bill that that's romantic , or if I, just out of the blue touch her hair ,(or even messed it up a little),that's romantic, if I bring her home something like titaium shavings from work or a ring made out of a strange piece of metal, It's romantic, not only was I thinking of her, but it also means I truly love her..... ..
So , It was a simple problem , I just had to find "just one exceptionally ,attractive, truly unattached, unmarried, loving, caring,decent, smart ,witty,bright,woman, who was able to love me and like me and put up with me and work with me and who understands romance and who excepts me just the way I am ,(also , did I mention she has to be honest, and have unconditional love, and be a sweetheart, and be able to put up with all kind of crazyness, and have a good sense of humor (likes the three stooges) and must enjoy things like cb radio ,electronics, (homemade amplifiers), solder and all kinds of electronc stuff being strewn about (in my own space of course) AND, would be able to keep MY electronic junk apart from HER electronic junk strewn about in HER space. Of course she should ALSO be willing to share HER space with MY space on occasion.....so, where am I going to find this wonderful, incredible woman? Needless to say, I DID find her, all of these wonderful qualities rolled up into one package in Carrie, my fiancee and future bride. To be continued...